you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
