so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
