how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
