he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
