Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
