At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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