I think I died a long time ago.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
