Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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