nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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