WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize