I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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