I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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