PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
