I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
