I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
