in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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