he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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