Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
