I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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