YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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