she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
