WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
