the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
