apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
