I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We got so high we made milksteak
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize