i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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