He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize