I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize