its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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