I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
