i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
