So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
