Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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