So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
