we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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