There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i think i just lost a toe
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
