I like my sex mixed with concussions.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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