There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
