I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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