Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
