Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
