Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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