I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
