plz talk dirty to me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
