Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
