You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
