walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We need to get me chipped asap
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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