i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize