I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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