He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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