You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How does one acquire holy water?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
