PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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