tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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