Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
