I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
