As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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