Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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