I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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