Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
