Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
