So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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