I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
