someone owes me an orgasm
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
