I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
