Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
