remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
