Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
