just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
