Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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