I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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