suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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