How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
