Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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