Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
