nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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