i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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