I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
