You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
