Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
