Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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