I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I didn't notice because vodka
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize