there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
