eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
