and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize